Blaseball is back: Here’s what you should know about it and the story so far

After a year-long hiatus, this is why gamers should be hyped for the splort’s return

Blaseball is an online fantasy baseball simulator where things can get a little gruesome. Incinerations are just all part of the game, and if that isn’t enough to get you excited, then the Forbidden Book should be. Blaseball has developers, but the story is for the most part written by the fans. They make all the big decisions, it’s the developers who then decide the consequences.

While this might seem like it would be a disaster, Blaseball has been surprisingly popular. In 2021, it was nominated for a Hugo Award for Best Video Game, despite the awards being mostly about writing. Despite letting the wisdom of crowds write the narrative for a mostly sports stats-based game, the twists and turns are more gripping than a TV drama.

As we now enter the third era of Blaseball, this is why you should be excited for its return.

Blaseball: A condensed history

The Game Band

Blaseball started out during the pandemic as an idle game to keep people occupied during lockdown. At this time, it was a standard baseball simulator of 20 fictional teams, made up of 14 fictional players, with names such as Jessica Telephone, and Jaylen Hotdogfingers. There were elections that would allow you to bless your team, and decrees that would let you change how the league works, such as by adding in relegation and other baseball-y things. One of these decrees was to open the Forbidden Book.

The Forbidden Book opening won 61% of the vote, and thus Blaseball was changed into the Eldritch horror it is today. Hotdogfingers was the first to be incinerated, a Hellmouth opened in the Moab Desert, and Blaseball was plunged into the Discipline Era.

Then was the great peanut fraud. A decree was passed which allowed players to trade coins for peanuts, which did nothing. People soon hacked Blaseball giving themselves infinite peanuts, or negative infinite peanuts. This caused The Shelled One to appear, a peanut like god who cursed those who had abused his fellow legumes. Popular players were cast in peanut shells, and more given peanut allergies.

Jaylen Hotdogfingers was successfully brought back to life, through a loophole that allowed you to gain buffs on the 20 most popular players. Despite being dead for six seasons at this point, Hotdogfingers was necromanced. She then started hitting people with her pitches, making them more likely to end up incinerated.

At the end of season nine, the winners – the Shoe Thieves – got into a boss battle (read Blaseball game) with all the players in peanut shells batting for The Shelled One. The reigning champions lost and were cursed with mild pitches. A similar fate happened to the Crabs the next season. After they lost to The Shelled One, they were then helped by the squid-like god, The Monitor, who brought back the most popular incinerated players for one final game. The Monitor then ate The Shelled One ending the Discipline Era.

After the first siesta, the second era starts with a new god in charge, The Coin. Blaseball becomes steadily more complicated over the season adding in more and more modifiers to the game. This was called the Expansion Era, which added consumers, who attacked players making them worse at Blaseball. 

Another god – there’s a lot of them – The Reader passed down a decree which the fanbase decided on, called Trust Fall declared “Turn the tables. Winning will be losing. Trust me.” This flipped Blaseball upside-down and the worst teams were now the best in the league. This also caused Blaseball’s ratings to also go down, and the league to become heavier. Eventually, Blaseball collapsed in on itself, causing a black hole ending the Expansion Era.

Blaseball: The Coronation Era

The Game Band

Blaseball has now entered a new era, and it has not disappointed so far. The black hole began spitting players out, and Blaseball could begin once more. Everything returned to normal, with classic players returning every once in a while when they were spat out from the black hole. 

The first election was held, and fans once again chose to open the Forbidden Book. This opened up a solar eclipse, and four umpires appeared. They claim that a power vacuum has been created, starting a tournament of champions. More players are incinerated, and one is sent on a side quest.

That’s where we are now. To join in yourself, just sign up on Blaseball’s website; it’s absolutely free.