Who would win the ‘Worst Bowl’ if we flipped the NFL standings?

We used Madden 23 to give us the best of the worst

The stage has been set for Super Bowl LVII at State Farm Stadium in Glendale, Arizona on Sunday, February 12. The premier football game is the reward for being good at football for Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs. The reward for being bad at football? Joining our 2023 Road to the Worst Bowl.

We’re so impatient for the big game that we’ve drawn up a bracket flipped upside down, using the worst NFL teams this season, and we’re simming the outcome using Madden 23. EA Sports also runs their Super Bowl prediction every season. It’s been famously hit-and-miss since its inception in 2004, and it’s called the Eagles this year. Ours is unrealistic anyway, so it doesn’t matter if the game isn’t a 100% true-to-football simulation. 

Wild Card

NFC: Worst team, Bye, #1 Chicago Bears

• #2 Cardinals vs #7 Commanders
• #3 Rams vs #6 Panthers
• #4 Falcons vs #5 Saints

The tale of the NFC wildcard weekend saw two visiting teams win their game, but with records that poor, home advantage clearly means nothing. In matchup one, the 79 OVR-rated Washington Commanders overcame a 14-10 halftime deficit to beat the 76 OVR-rated Arizona Cardinals 24-21. The Los Angeles Rams shocked the Carolina Panthers in OT to win 20-17. Atlanta Falcons never looked like losing to a deflated New Orleans Saints side, winning 27-20 to round off the wild card.

The 2022 Chicago Bears took a bye for going 3-14, including a 10-game losing streak, and the NFC divisional rounds were set. For the Cardinals, Rams, and Falcons, the golf course was calling.

AFC: Worst Team, Bye, #1 Houston Texans

• #2 Colts vs #7 Steelers
• #3 Broncos vs #6 Raiders
• #4 Titans vs #5 Browns

The Indianapolis Colts proved too much for the Pittsburgh Steelers, holding on to a 28-3 HT lead to win 35-10 at home in the first of the AFC wildcard games. Next on the spectator list, an entertaining tie between the Las Vegas Raiders and the Denver Broncos ended 31-24 to Vegas, for another road W. The final matchup saw the #5 seed Titans beat the Browns 41-21 - our highest-scoring wild card fixture overall.

The Texans grabbed the bye for being truly terrible this season. Their 3-13-1 record was plenty to see them head straight through in the Bowl nobody wants to win. The Titans awaited them in the divisional round.

Divisional Rounds

Fans of bad football finally got to see their bye-round teams enter the divisional rounds.

NFC

• #1 Bears vs #7 Commanders
• #3 Rams vs #6 Falcons

Number one-seeded Chicago finished dead last in the 2022 NFL season. Overall, their in-game rating (78 OVR) isn’t much worse than Washington’s (81 OVR), so this promised to be a closer clash in simulation.

The game was nicely poised with Commanders 27-21 up after the first half, and the floodgates seemed to open in the third quarter when they extended their score to 40-28. Then, madness broke out in the final quarter. Both teams traded blows, and Chicago came good with two touchdowns and a 36-yard field goal with just 22 seconds left on the clock. Final score: Commanders 43-44 Bears. Maybe the worst football can be the best football?

Falcons at Rams was not quite as eventful as the previous matchup. Scoreless in the first and 7-7 at halftime, the Rams at home managed to edge it out 24-17 to set up a tasty clash with the Bears in the NFC Championship game.

AFC

• #1 Texans vs #4 Titans
• #2 Colts vs #6 Raiders

Down in Texas, Houston managed to make the most of home advantage, albeit with a few scares. Up 14-7 versus Tennessee by halftime, in the third, the Titans bullied their way back into the tie and led 21-17. In the spirit of the Worst Bowl, the worst team stuck it out to win 27-21. In the spirit of the Worst Bowl for the Texans, Davis Mills made only 204 yards at 53% completion for his team's 2 touchdowns. The #1 seed was through.

Tied at 10-10 at halftime, Raiders at Colts seemed to be a close matchup. In Madden 23, just one rating point separates Las Vegas (83) and Indianapolis (82). In our simulation, the visiting team emerged victorious in their pursuit of playoff success by clinching the game 24-20. The Raiders, with Derek Carr, benched on lousy form, had backup QB Jarrett Stidham carry them to the championship game.

The Conference Championship

NFC

• #1 Bears vs #3 Rams

The NFC Championship was held at Soldier Field to find the best of the worst in the NFC. It was a poor start for the Bears, seeing their second play of the game intercepted by Rams #5 Jalen Ramsey to immediately bring Matt Stafford into the game. The first quarter ended 0-0, but the second started with the Rams being 2nd and goal, which they converted into points. This was the only score, and the game was 7-0 Rams at the half.

Whilst the game rumbled on, the scoreline didn’t. An Aaron Donald penalty saw the Bears get first and goal in the dying embers of the 4th, and they could not convert. The first and second were incomplete, and the third was intercepted again.

A truly awful game of football and exactly what the Worst Bowl deserves. Whilst it’s a shame to see the best worst team drop out, the LA Rams holding on to a scrappy 7-0 win was earned. The Chicago Bears can’t even win at being bad, it seems.

AFC

• #1 Texans vs #6 Raiders

Would more points come in the (Worst) AFC Championship game, held at the NRG Stadium? Thankfully, yes.

In this simulation, we were treated to a real back-and-forth tie. 14-10 Houston at the end of Q1, 24-21 Raiders at HT, 28-24 Houston at Q3. Breathless, the game hit full time tied at 35-35.

OT drama once more in these playoffs saw Kaʻimi Fairbairn nudge an 18 yard field goal 27 seconds in to seal the AFC, with the tie ending 38-35. The kicker was the hero for the Houston Texans, and he had a 100% completion on the night.

And so it was set - lacing up their cleats for the inaugural Worst Bowl was Rams vs Texans.

The Worst Bowl

• #1 Texans vs #3 Rams

The game no team wants to play in. Or do they? SI football writer Jimmy Traina hates the Super Bowl, but we wonder if he’d want to see two poor performers face off to be the best of the worst. The home team Texans were #1 seed and genuinely one of the worst performers overall in the season, and they’re also the worst team in Madden 23 with just a 74 OVR rating. Facing off in a one-off game vs the Rams, with an unbelievable 88 OVR rating, should be one game too far for the Texas outfit, with every instinct saying this would be a comfortable win for the LA Rams.

The stage was set for Worst Bowl one, and a neutral venue had to be selected. We plumped to make it the worst for both teams. Wembley Stadium in London, England would be the venue, flying both sides thousands of miles from home. In Madden, you can’t brand any game as a Super Bowl tie sadly, so we had to settle for Texans branding.

Another thing missing from Madden 23 kick-off is live teams and form, so we saw LA’s Matthew Stafford come off IR to play in the big game, facing up against youngster Davis Mills at Houston.

At halftime, the scores were set at 24-10 Houston; the entertainment from London and ads followed. No Rhianna this year in the Worst Bowl Instead, we put on a 20-minute megamix of Rebecca Black, Robin Thicke and Nickelback through cheap speakers. We actively sought out in-app ads during this time. The worst halftime show ever.

The game came to a climax at 38-17 Houston in Q3, could the plucky team with their makeshift starting QB really win it all?

The Rams started a Q4 noble fightback, with Matthew Stafford hitting two touchdowns for 14 unanswered LA Rams points, but it was too little too late in the end for the 5-12 side as they lost 38-31.

And that was game. The stats had the Rams, who hit 511 offensive yards compared to Houston’s 391, but at no point were they really in this clash.

The Houston Texans were crowned Worst Bowl I winners, and it was safe to say it was a romantic, and deserved campaign. The worst team in Madden 23, the worst team in the AFC, and now Worst Bowl champions. We couldn’t believe the Madden 23 simulation threw this up for us. The Texans couldn’t string 2 wins together during the 2022 NFL season, so to run it all the way was impressive.

No Lombardi Trophy here; just the reassurance that whilst the Texans might be amongst the worst in the NFL currently, at least they could be the best of the worst.

So that’s our Worst Bowl 1 completed. A genuine contender for a new NFL format? Maybe not. Still, giving the wooden spoon out to the losing team in a one-off game between the two worst teams of the season could be more interesting than the now-diluted Pro Bowl.

Want to live out a football bracket in an alternate universe like us? Madden 23 is available now on PlayStation, Xbox, and PC. EA Play members get a discount and exclusive in-game unlockables, too.